wigglewhiz | URGH

I DID indeed receive my Combination Nation DVD's the other day. And I've been watching them and writing one of my "I Obviously Wrote This WHILE I Was Watching" live-action type reviews. I may get round to posting it at some point soon, although I'm sure none of my flisties are particularly interested. But hey! Some bellydance n00b may one day stumble across my journal or something, so... yeah, I provide a totally clear, concise and valuable service. Or... something.

Anyway, I'm slo-o-owly recovering from the massive disappointment body blow that was my EPIC FAIL of acheiving Awesome Job at Company E. I've been off the fucking rails eating wise, and have gained 1.4 kilos.

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Well, shit happens. *sigh*. I'll get back on the wagon this week and see how I go.

So I've seen two jobs that I could apply for this week. This is a HUGE number here in Invercargill - it's much more common for at least two weeks to go by before ONE job I can apply for comes up, so two in one week is a pretty big deal.

ACTUALLY, really there's THREE. The shoe shop manager job that I applied and interviewed (and was fucking rejected) for probably about three months ago is being advertised again. Guess the person who was selected over me wasn't that fantastic after all, eh?! *snerk* However, I've decided not to apply for it again. Much as I adore shoes (like... deeply and possibly unhealthily), I HATE Retail and just don't think I can work in it. I am *not* a salesperson. While I'm desperate for a job and OMFG NEEEEEEEEEEEEEED to earn some money, I won't do myself any favours securing a job that I won't be any good at and won't enjoy. Not worth the stress.

Which brings me neatly on to a job I have just sent an application away for this evening (closes tomorrow). It is.... DUN DUN DUUUUUNNNNN... a fucking PAYROLL job.

I've done Payroll for the last three years.

I FUCKING HATE PAYROLL.

It's stressful - you are *always* working to the next deadline, there's NEVER a break, you can rarely if ever get time off (because DEADLINES! URGENT! OMFG EVERYBODY'S SALARY DEPENDS ON YOOOOOOUUUUUU!), and you're ALWAYS dealing with shitty information which is somehow YOUR FAULT when it all goes the shape of the pear.

It's thankless - you will never, ever be thanked for the months and months and months that you pay people correctly, on time, despite aforementioned shitty information given by their managers. But the ONE TIME their pay doesn't go through correctly? Even when that's because of something that the TAX MAN has demanded you do (and you have no discretion there, believe me) or the actions of the outsourced Payroll Company or the employees Bank? They will be phoning you, spitting teeth, threatening to have you out of a job, cursing you, demanding that you turn the world upside down for them THIS INSTANT because they are "tired of your incompetence".

Oh, right. My incompetence. My incompetence that has been paying you without flaw for the last 12 months. Excellent.

It's BORING. Oh sweet zombie Jesus, it is fucking BORING. I hate numbers. Hate them. I got kicked out of maths class. I've never done accounting in my life because it makes me glaze over and fall into a kind of waking coma. It's just... so not my thing. Don't get me wrong, I am bitchingly awesome (and totally modest, natch) at Payroll, but I DON'T LIKE IT. It is not natural to me, and most assuredly neither sets my soul alight wth eangelical bliss nor has EVER been on my list of Things I Want To Do When I Grow Up. This is a career path I fell into entirely by accident, and...

There is NO ESCAPE from Payroll. It is NOT something that opens up other career paths, because everyone who's in payroll fucking hates it and wants out. Which means there's precious few people left who know how to do it. And once a company has cottoned on to the fact that YOU know how to do it, they will hungrily latch onto you, throw you in the Finance office (typically the one in the basement with no windows or escape route) AND YOU WILL NEVER GET OUT. You will never have a transfer application approved, because you are "too valuable" in your Payroll role. You may think this would mean that you would be paid handsomely because they would be terrified of losing you. YOU WOULD BE WRONG THERE. You will just eventually get so angry with being trapped in a mindless, boring, stressful, thankless payroll job that you will QUIT YOUR JOB and fly halfway across the world swearing to NEVER WORK IN PAYROLL again...

... and you will end up getting a job in your new city halfway across the world that is a FUCKING PAYROLL job, but you will swear you will only be there for a few months only because the money situation is desperate and as soon as you can you'll go fruit picking or something WILD AND CRAZY AND BACKPACKERY and you'll have the genuine Kiwi OE experience and it will be O for ORESOME!

... and after a fucking year and a half of typical payroll horror you will quit your job and move 8 hours clear across country and you will swear you will NEVER WORK IN PAYROLL AGAIN because this time it's different! And you are more self-assured than ever! And your CV is way better and you just WILL NOT DO IT!

... and you will FAIL all your interviews and you will weep and flail and gnash your teeth. And one day you will go to the pub for lunch and your card will be declined (after you have eaten their food, for maximum red-faced horrifying embarassment) because you have NO MONEY AGAIN, and you will have to face paying rent late again because it's not payday for another week, and that night you will see a Payroll job advertised.

...and you will apply for it.

...and when you have pressed the "Send" button you might break down in tears of shame and frustration that THERE IS NO ESCAPE, even though you tried so fucking hard this time.

...and you may give yourself a kick up the arse because YOUR FAMILY NEEDS MONEY, and you are not in a position to be a snob about your job and you should be lucky just to have one. But it will not stop the tears nor the catch of STRESS and HORROR already clawing in your throat.

Job Applications: 8
Interviews: 4
Job Offers: 0

URGH

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