wigglewhiz | Recent Entries

First off: I have finished the fascinator. And I wore it. It was pretty great, if I do say so myself, but a bit heavier and wobblier than I expected and also left glitter everywhere. YAY. I will be attending ANOTHER wedding this Saturday and will be wearing it again. Different guest list and no pictures of myself on Facebook from the last wedding? DOUBLE WEDDING DUTY FOR THAT EXPENSIVE OUTFIT. Woop.

I have pictures, but I'm currently at work (LOL) so can't upload them to whatsit, Flickr, yet. I shall post again later with PICS!

In the meantime, I am trying to complete 6 weeks worth of work in a week and a half to obtain accreditation from my discipline's professional body. I am stressing out of my fucking mind about this. I have zero time because WORK and BABY and also GENERAL STILL STRUGGLING TO COPE WITH THINGS SOMETIMES AND JUST WANTING TO SLEEP AWAY THE STRESS, so that's... challenging.

So the other day when I picked up The Baby from nursery, they told me about how they were trying to set up a Parent's Committee and would I like to be on it?

Uhhhh...

I made non-commital noises and asked what would be involved, and the nursery staff member said she wasn't really entirely sure, but she's speak to management and get more info for me so I could make a decision. In the meantime, it would likely involve participation/helping with the Macmillan Big Coffee Morning in September, but we're not sure what date that is. I said I was generally happy to help out if I can, and particularly happy to help out for Macmillan fundraisers, because they do amazing work and are a super worthy cause. But, of course, full time work and caveat caveat etc, we'll see what's involved and I'll let you know.

You can imagine how I felt this morning when I was tagged in the following status in the closed nursery FB group:

"We have created a parents committee to help support the staff with planning fundraising events and other events within the nursery to allow you to take ownership of these events. We would like to welcome Mum 1, Mum 2, Mum 3 and Wigglewhiz to the committee. If anyone else is interested in being a part of the committee please speak to Suzy who is based in the 3-5room. If there is a lot of interest we will change the committee over at the beginning of each term."

Well, FUCK.

Dudes, I pay you £710 every month. What FUNDS do you need raised?! How much time are you wanting from me to do this because honestly at this point I can barely find time to wash my goddamned hair and lie in the dark panicking about how many things I have to do.

Fuck.

(ALSO, WHERE THE DADS AT? Seriously, what with all the women carrying this work on behalf of the little kiddies, huh? SURPRIIIIIIISE! Or did Dads not get asked to join the committee because they might look at someone else's children with their filthy lustful man-eyes?)

So. I am currently having a major motivation problem with this fascinator, so I thought I would post my progress in the hopes that it would inspire me to get shit finished.

You'll remember

was the fascinator that I bought because it was on sale (and then they took another £10 off it, the BASTARDS, but I digress).

Well, first of all

(that's SEWED mind, not glue gunned. Check me out!) some

(excuse my wee feet) onto it. The big ones are some flower heads from the artificial hydrangea, and the little ones are heads from the artificial forget-me-nots, which were purchased later when I realised "FUCK,

only some of these hydrangea heads have five petals. And most are too bloody big.

" (I used the smallest of the three hydrangea heads pictured here. All the wee flowers are from the Emergency Forget-Me-Nots.)

Then I

to isolate the bits I wanted to

I used Modge Podge for fabric, which I managed to get pretty much everywhere, and the superfine (they're not kidding about that, btw) nail art glitter. Have you ever bought loose glitter for a project, experienced craft people? Did you ever think "Is 20g of glitter... a lot? Because it doesn't sound a lot and I probably need a lot because I'm probably going to fuck this up. Will this be enough? I don't think this sounds like it'll be enough."

TURNS OUT, spoiler alert: 20g of glitter is A LOT. Like, A Sneaky Fuckton In A Wee Bag. I was more than generous with this, glittered over a sheet of baking paper so I could scoot the overflow back into the bag and... now I still have probably like 18g of glitter. Need navy blue glitter? Hit me up.

So then I turned to making some satin flowers. I usead a piece of string to measure roughly round the petals in the shoes and handbag, and used that as the diameter for a circle. I cut circles of satin, folded them over, then did a

. Then I pulled the running stitch to draw it shut like a little drawstring, and tied it off. Repeat

of the buggers. Then I sewed each petal onto a neighbour, not worrying TOO much about hiding the stitches because I knew I was going to be sticking stamens in the middle anyway. I made

a layer of five petals and a layer of three

. Then I stitched them together onto a disc of felt to provide a flat backing for hot gluing them onto the fascinator - but, the sewing pulled in the soft felt and made it

- so I figured I would hot glue on a second disc to the first to give it a bit more stability.

This led me to crack out the cool melt glue gun. DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN!

I had used a hot melt glue gun to make a birthday crown for The Baby, and I burnt THE FUCK out of myself doing so. So I figured this would be less painful. It was. But I am still SHIT with a glue gun.

First thing I did with the glue gun was remedy the Flower Of Non-Matchyness on the handbag, because it BURNED MY SOUL.

So it went from

.

It's not a PERFECT match, but I think it's massively improved. As in, it doesn't make my eyeballs itch when I look at it any more.

Then I glued stamens into the fabric flowers I just made. Huh. I learned much from this. Like:

cool glue solidifies way faster than hot glue (DUH)
this gives you approximately a bawhair of a second to thwack whatever you're gluing onto whatever you're gluing it to before you're impotently dabbing a solidified plastic thing onto another thing.
there is no way to fucking GET the glue off the nozzle of the glue gun onto your to-be-glued Thing without leaving threads of glue.
- threads of glue everywhere
- like, everywhere
- attached to the thing you tried to glue
- attached to your fingers
- attached to ALL THE THINGS on your fucking table
- you can't even SEE some of the tiny, tiny filaments of fuckery until the light changes and you're suddenly like "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS ALL OVER MY STUFF"
- you will be pulling fucking threads off of yourself so much that you will realise you look like an overenthusiastic croquembouche. Or the world's most incompetent spider.
Maybe tie the stamens together, and glue them together a little, and then glue them THROUGH the felt fabric disk you're about to sew the flowers onto next time if you want a nice tight bunch and not a Randomly Glued On Clump of FUCK, I HOPE THIS WORKS BECAUSE THERE ARE THREADS EVERYWHERE FUUUUUUCK PLEASE STICK OMG

The eventual result was

(one navy one is for a boutonniere for Graham's light blue suit for the wedding two weeks after THIS wedding).

next to the shoes and handbag, for comparison. There's a subtle colour difference, of course, but I think I can get away with it given that mine will be on my head. Mine also look bigger (and deeper), I think because the fabric I used was thicker/stiffer and holds that folded over shape a little more stiffly. Still, all in all I think they look OK, right?

So my original plan was to put both of these flowers into the convenient pocket of empty space under the loop of the bow on the fascinator

. So I tucked one of the flowers into that gap and...

. It's a bit BIG. I've had a potter and I think I can still get both on, but this is what's hobbled me and made me lose motivation.

I'm also swithering terribly about whether to use these

I made for some movement. They make me think it's a bit horrible and 80's, because it reminds me of a flowered headpiece I had to wear as a bridesmaid in the 80's. But I like the thought of a bit of movement... What say you, flisties?

It's my argument that you can never really go to a wedding without something on your head. A hat. A fascinator. SOMETHING. This is mostly because I love hats and fascinators and would wear one every day if I could get away with it. ONE DAY it is my fervent dream that I will get to buy something from Pearls and Swine, particularly something huge and delicious and bonkers like THIS ONE, but until that day your ordinary, everyday wedding fascinator is the only chance I'll get. *sigh*

So, to go with the navy dress and it's laceness, and the shoes and handbag (which also feature lace), I got this very plain fascinator.

Which looks like this on my actual noggin:

So it's lacy, and the lace pattern featured a little five-petalled flower, which echoes the flowers on the shoes and bag. (Full disclosure: the fact that it is harmoniously lacy is really just a bonus. I bought this because it was on sale and I wasn't spending £40+ on a bloody fascinator).

BUT

It's dark, and my hair is dark, and I feel like fascinators usually have an element of MOVEMENT about them - generally acheived with feathery bits - which this is lacking. SO. Here's the list of STUFF I BOUGHT to jazz up this fascinator, and tie it in with my shoes and handbag:

One stem of artificial hydrangeas
One stem of artificial forget-me-nots
Blue pearl flower stamens (not the right navy blue, but gawd help me everywhere I tried was SOLD OUT of navy blue)
Greyish pearly flower stamens (technically to salvage the handbag first and foremost. Not a perfect match for the stamens on the shoes, but as near as I could humanly get AND I KNOW because I bought silvery ones that were ALL RONG and then bought some more and... gah)
Clear fishing wire
A cool melt glue gun and glue sticks
Modge Podge for fabric
applicator brushes
Navy blue superfine (nail art quality) glitter
A half metre (because I have no idea of sensible fabric measurements or how badly/how many times I might Fuck It Up before I get a fabric flower right) of navy blue satin
A half metre of periwinkle satin
A sheet of deep blue felt

If you're thinking that that sounds very much like I might now have spent more than £40 on a bloody fascinator... I think you might be right. I'm avoiding tallying up the costs just in case!

My plan is to discombobulate the artificial flowers and sew some of the flower heads onto some of the loops of the fascinator bow, glitter some of the other loops, leave some as plain lace, and create one navy and one periwinkle satin flower to put in the middle, rather like the shoes and bag. I MIGHT also, depending on how that goes, suspend some of the small forget-me-not flower heads on fishing wire and dangle them out of the centre of the bow, for movement.

This is THE PLAN. What I am capable of might be very different. Wish me luck!

It is LuthierSis's wedding on Sunday August 6th. This is a Big Deal, because:

Family weddings are always a big deal, as opposed to, you know, the weddings of friends or acquaintances
LuthierSis is a perfectionist. In the extreme. Everything must be perfect and everyone must be excited and colours must be co-ordinated (I can get behind that one, at least) and so on
The Baby is a flower girl. At one and a half. Gawd help us.

I am horribly intimidated by the women of the Luthier's family, because they are all, mostly by lucky genetics, gorgeous. Petite and very slim and very perfect. LuthierSis and ... uh... LuthierBro's fiancee, who I shall call Crafty Gal because she makes fab very personalised presents and is generally awesome, are very very beautiful, and excellent (and dilligent) in their make-up application and coiffeurture (Is that even a word? If not, I BAGSY IT, I INVENTED IT, YOU HEARD IT HEAR FIRST). They wear fake lashes. Like, ALL THE TIME. EVERY DAY. They get their nails done on the reg.

I, on the other hand, wear make-up only when I'm going out (or dancing), am... competent at it's application, but in no way particularly skilled (like, I don't really bother with my brows to colour them in and all that shit. I don't understand how to apply fake lashes and remain in terrified awe of them). I get my nails done as an exceptionally rare treat, although I paint them myself a little more often (again, rarely, and only for occasions that are special and whatnot.) My hair is like the arse pelt of a particularly coarse and belligerent bear.

I am back to the top end of my weight fluctuation. I am OK but not thrilled with this development, particularly in the context of being in a highly photographable event alongside slender, perfect chicklets. Bah.

Here's what typically happens when I'm faced with this type of scenario, and indeed with attending weddings in general

I grumble about how much I hate weddings.

I avoid trying to think about how I'll have to buy an outfit for an event I don't really want to go to, and looking a way I'm not happy with, and therefore will procrastinate on going shopping for said outfit.

The weekend before (or worse, the closest midweek late shopping night next to) the wedding, I will panic and head to the shops for several hours, looking round multiple shops in an increasing state of rage and distress, finding nothing that I like. I will buy the first thing that I can find that physically will fit (at least kind of passably) on my odd-shaped body, despite hating the cut/fit/colour/material/pattern and so on.

I will attend the wedding in the outfit that I hate, feeling frumpy and sad and horrible, convinced that I stick out like a sore thumb in my horrid emergency outfit, and not enjoying a minute of anything. After the wedding the despised outfit will be assigned to a bin, with much cursing.

Genuinely, this is a predictable pattern with me and big events. This has probably happened at EVERY SINGLE WEDDING I have ever attended. It's how I ended up wearing a full length brown (silk, admittedly) bias cut dress to my graduation ball. I mean I'm sure it would have looked nice on SOMEONE, but on me it looked like some kind of Boudoir Potato Sack and that was a very fucking bad look for me.

Here's what I've done this time

I have spent a lot of money.

HOWEVER. I am happy with an outfit, and in fact kinda jazzed by it, for the first time in probably a decade.

I have bought this dress. I originally tried to find something in purple or lavender, because that's the wedding theme colour. But I found nothing that I liked, so I checked out the kilts the Luthier and other fellas were wearing, and it featured navy. This meant I could buy a pair of navy shoes and matching navy bag I'd been eyeing as "perfect for a wedding", and THEREFORE could justify a navy dress. Yup, I bought the outfit from the shoes up, people. It's how I roll.

Sweet Jesus, I just spent ages putting this goddamned photo onto Flickr to be able to put it here and I'm not sure it's gonna work. Fucksticks. Anyway, these are the shoes and bag. Can you see the problem here? The problem that completely ruined my buzz at treating myself to these, that sparked an angry email to their Customer Service department? What the FUCK is the deal with the non-matching flower stamens?! WHAT THE HELL?!

I'm a little bit... anal about colour co-ordination. So this led me to scouring the internets for the proper blue-grey colour stamens. I just... I have a problem, people.

So. I now have a project to fix the handbag, AND to jazz up a very plain fascinator that I bought. Stay tuned...

Hey! So it's been a while, huh? Here I am over on Dreamwidth now instead of LJ, and have dragged all my old shit with me - which led, of course, to me reading the old shit, and laughing over a lot of it, and feeling like it was proper ages ago, and that some of it was prescient, and then being massively intimidated by HOW DO I CONDENSE ALL THE THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED SINCE THEN INTO A COHERENT POST?

I don't think I can.

So instead I think I will probably catch up with all the things in due course over a long period of time in the format of Flashback posts, which I will probably tag as FLASHBACK for ease of use, and I'll write them as and when they come to me or if something triggers a discussion that's related to a flashback thing that I never posted about at the time and so on. Takes the pressure off, is in keeping with my typical stream-of-consciousness unstructured stylee, and allows people who feel already caught up to avoid flashback posts which may be about, you know, boring shit like That Time I Was In A Hospital And They Took A Baby Out Of Me and suchlike.

In the meantime, a super quick recap of Things That Have Happened That I Might Post About Sometime:

I Went To A Hospital And They Took A Baby Out Of Me
- That Want Kind Of Badly And Sucked *Quite* A Bit But Everything Was OK In The End But I Still Don't Ever Wanna Go Through That Again
- Then It Was Kind Of OK Very Briefly
- Then It Was Pretty Bad In Lots Of Ways And I'm Not Sure I Was Entirely Mentally Well And I Should Definitely Have Done Something About That Sooner
- Things Are Looking OK Again At Last, Thank God
I Am Still In The Job Of Soul-Sucking Suck, But I Have A New Boss Because The Last One GOT FIRED And OMG YOU GUYS I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY ABOUT THIS IT WILL DEFINITELY BE A POST BECAUSE FUCKERY, SO MUCH FUCKERY
My Estranged Sister From My Hostile And Dysfunctional Dad's Side Of The Family Found Me On Facebook Despite Having Been Blocked For Years And Finds Me A Valid Person Because I Have A Baby Now, And I Told Her To FUCK OFF But It Gave Me So Many Complex Feels
I Currently Have Houseguests Including Two Children Under Three And I Don't Know How I Have Managed To Stay Sane These Last 9 FUCKING WEEKS, But They Are Leaving This Week and GOODBYEEEEEE, GOODBYEEEEEEEE, WIPE THE TEARS, BABY DEARS, FROM YOUR EYEEEEEES BECAUSE I AM LITERALLY FUCKING SICK OF LISTENING TO ONE OF YOU CRYING AT ALL HOURS OF THE DAY AND NIGHT
One Day I Will Dance Again, But In The Meantime I Keep Trying To Go To Dance Things And Sometimes It Works And I Have OPINIONS On What I See, And Sometimes It Doesn't Work And I Have FEELS About That.

I am also attempting a craft thingie which I will probably bore you guys with pictures of because I am kind of super proud of it right now (it involved SEWING! And also glue gun, because fuck that) - I have LuthierSis's wedding coming up in like 2 weeks and I am embellishing a fascinator to make it MORE AWESOME and make it match my shoes and handbag. As one does!

I've missed you guys.

<3

Greetings!

Given that I'm now working in fairly important (to me!) job in a position of authority where I need to maintain some kind of decorum, and that I'll probably want to talk about said job from time to time without any risk, I'm going down the full Flock road.

Interested in what I've got to say, now that I may be back to... well, saying something from time to time? Leave a comment or send me a message to be added to my flisties - whom, I must say, are rather a fabulous gang of cool kids that you would TOTALLY want to be amongst.

~Wiggle

Current Mood: optimistic
Current Location: New Zealand

OK, I can't resist the Census Meme. I don't know why, but I can't.

March 2011: I'm living in Invercargill, New Zealand, with Himself. I live in a pretty, relatively spacious 3-bedroom house with a garden and a garage with private parking and all sorts of nobby stuff. I own a barbecue. I'm living a bit of a sweet life in the material sense at long last. I'm working the most seriously grown-up and best-paid job I've ever had in my life, but it's STRESSFUL and I kind of hate it.

March 2001: I'm in my second semester of my second year at University, and I'm living in a small town in East Kilbride (Scotland) with my Asshat Ex. University is going well, but it's about to implode when I get into third year and find myself on the wrong side of a misogynistic post-grad tutor with a real God complex. Asshole.

March 1991: I'm 14 years old and in High School. I am a massive New Kids On The Block fan and right now I'm probably holding onto a concert ticket to see them in the Glasgow SECC. Mr Mylchreest, my History teacher, will eventually convince me that it's OK not to hold the damn thing in my grubby palm all day, every day and will give me a plastic wallet to put it in. I will think to myself that my life cannot possibly ever get any better than this as I sit in the nosebleeds watching tiny stick figures dancing, with my friends screaming in my ears and passing out around me at that gig.

March 1981: I am nearly four years old, and inexplicably I have very blonde bouncy ringlets. I am covered in bruises and band-aids from my determined attempts to explore everywhere/jump off of everything/go look at whatever that interesting thing is that people keep telling me not to go to. I'm about to start school, which I think is the most FANTASTIC acheivement of my entire life, and I frequently have to be dragged away from the stationery department of John Menzies whining that I WANT A PROTRACTOR. I have also embarrassed the hell out of my mother by having her stopped by a security guard and asked to tip out the contents of my pockets. It becomes clear that my career as a master criminal is prematurely at an end when I am found to be concealing several Creme Eggs, which I do not like to eat. My response to my mother's fearful enquiries as to WHYYYYYYY are apparently met with the immortal statement of fact: "they were shiny". I will later use this justification for pretty much everything.

It's funny seeing it in ten year snippets. Between March 2001 and March 2011 I got a degree, lost a parent, broke up with a partner, started (and kind of ended, OMG) a bellydance career, went to Egypt 5 times, found a new love, and moved halfway across the world. These last ten years have been pretty amazing, when you think about it...

Current Mood: curious

I decided to give myself a weekend off from the 'quake coverage, because it was becoming all-consuming and I think was contributing in large part to my weird emotional state last week. It didn't really work, because I've dipped in and out of the news all weekend - but at least I didn't sit there glued to it, and I think I've given myself a much-needed bit of emotional space.

I built a barbecue that we bought on sale on Monday. We don't have a gas bottle for it yet, so it's sitting in the garage all newly-made, pristinely clean and virginal, waiting for that first sausage/burger/delicious butter-slavered foil-wrapped corn cob. All the while we was building it, Himself and I were congratulating ourselves on the fact that we now finally have an Emergency Cooking System in the event of a natural disaster. Way to keep It our of your mind, there, Wiggle!

Himself and I started painting the guest bedroom, in preparation for

suzycat 's inaugural visit. It'll also be used later by Whizmum and Roo towards Christmastime, and I've been slowly buying in nice things to make it a lovely room to stay in. Like the rest of the house, the room has the "coloured feature wall" scheme of decorating, which to be honest I'm not a fan of. However, I'll stick with it - but I'm not sticking with the horrible mid-to-deep blue in the guest room, and instead have opted for a soothing soft green. Bringing the painting forward did two things - made me feel like I was doing something for

suzycat , in a weird and mostly impotent and irrelevant kind of way, and gave me a great deal of kind of zen type peaceful enjoyment. I always loved painting and decorating my spaces, and it's been two years since I was able to. I'll probably get in trouble with the Letting Agent for changing the property without permission, but I REALLY don't care at this point.

I gave myself Saturday and Sunday morning off from talking about work. Or thinking about work. That didn't really work either, because I did talk about it and think about it a bit. I mostly spent Saturday Skyping with Whizmum and chatting online with a good friend, and naturally the work thing came up. *sigh* I've decided that I need to let go of being concerned that my team might be edgy and nervous about having a new manager, and not take responsibility for that. I need to just be myself, go through my normal decision-making process and stand my ground. Some of my decisions may be wrong and/or unpopular, but that's mine to bear. The only way they can get rid of me is to put a complaint in to my boss, and as long as I stick my usual decision-making and thinking processes, they won't have a leg to stand on if they do that.

I also bought more booze and chocolate, and have consumed some more quantities of both. WHAT?!

Current Mood: determined
Current Location: New Zealand

...not that she asked me to or anything, sorry about the presumptiveness

suzycat ! I can't see Facebook at work, so she may well have updated herself and y'all already know this, but -

Got a text message from her this morning - she's safe and sound down in Timaru with her parents and family, so sounds like everyone's good.

With that little bit of news I feel like I'm able to breathe almost all the way out now - just one friend to hear back from.

Current Mood: relieved
Current Location: New Zealand

I heard (in a ridiculously circuitous route via other rellies in Oz) about the Christchurch rellies. All are OK.

Both of their family houses are destroyed, and they've been evacuated to Civil Defence shelters. But no-one is hurt, and that's the main thing.

I'm watching the news at the moment and it's terrifying and sad - and I feel so selfish for just being glad that everyone we know (thus far, although we've still to hear from two friends) is OK, when there are families out there in that lovely, friendly city whose loved ones won't be coming home.

Current Mood: relieved
Current Location: New Zealad

Here's the deal: I know I don't believe in you. YOU know I don't believe in you. Or you would know, if you existed. But if you DO exist, perhaps you could make sure my family in Christchurch are OK. Because I can't get a hold of any of them, and I figure you have a bit of an edge on me given that you have that whole omnipotence thing going on.

While you're doing that, if you could just look after the people of Christchurch I would really appreciate it, although you didn't prevent your own beautiful Cathedral from caving in, WITH PEOPLE IN IT, you bastard.

Yours,

Atheist, But Here's Your Chance To Do Something About That.

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

The news has just confirmed the death toll as 17. Seventeen. I know that doesn't sound like a big number but... oh dear god that poor city.

I got a hold of two friends, including the indominable suzycat . She's OK, but last I heard from her she wasn't able to get a hold o her parents. My other friends are also OK, but they can't contact one of their sons. I haven't heard from two another friends and I can't get a hold of my Christchurch relatives. They at least don't live in the CBD, so I'm hopeful that they're fine and that I just can't get them because the phone lines are down (they're... oldies and they don't do that mobile phone thing).

I don't know what to do. I have friends and rellies there, I'm in the same country, but I can't do a damn thing. The blood donor service put out a call at the hospital this afternoon for donations, but they won't tak mine (UK person potentially exposed to Mad Cow Disease, don't'cha know). The hospital is on alert and this afternoon saw all the crisis/emergency/contingency planning people swing into gear in the office next to mine. Me and the team couldn't do anything but try to look after the staff who had CHC rellies and were desperately trying to make contact with them.

I feel useless. Utterly, utterly useless - to be so close but so far away, and so utterly powerless to do anything other than hope.

DAMMIT.

FUCKING HELL. FUCKING HELL FUCKING HELL FUCKING HELL, death toll revised.

TO SIXTY FIVE.

Sixty. Fucking. Five. Oh my god.

Current Mood: distressed
Current Location: New Zealand

Hoggle was spotted in the garden last night!

Well... a hodgepig was spotted in the garden last night. I'm not 100% sure it was Hoggle, because I'm pretty sure it was a bit smaller than Hoggle was last time I spied him. Himself tried making all sorts of excuses about "Maybe he's just lost weight because we haven't been putting out meat scraps and bacon grease for him, hmmmm?" - but I'm not so sure.

In any case, I walked out into the garden at dusk and saw a little face beadily eyeballing me from the bushes. I froze, and the starer wandered out of the bushes toward me, and then dived right back in further down the garden. I think I understand why hedgehogs are spiky for defence - because they certainly aren't stealthy little creatures as they crash through the undergrowth! o_O

To sum up - YAY!

Current Mood: cheerful

So, yesterday I was due to meet my counterpart in Dunedin. It's a two and a half hour drive to Dunedin. It has a one way system.

You remember the last time I tried to go to Dunedin.

This time I was going to be driving myself! Alone! To a part of Dunedin I had never been before! GUARANTEED FAIL!

( AND IT WAS. )

In other news: I GOT MY FLIP! I'm in ur house, recordin stuff out mah nut. Prepare for Wigglewhiz School Of Nausea-Inducing Camerawork Video Journalism! WOOT WOOT!!1!

Current Mood: exhausted
Current Location: NOT DUNEDIN

I fear I may have a horrible tragedy on my hands.

A horrible, heatbreaking, unnoticed little suburban tragedy.

I think Hoggle (our hedgehog) may be no more.

T_T

Yesterday morning I was driving to work. I got out of the driveway, turned the corner that our house sits on, drove probaby about a hundred yards down the road - and there was a poor dead little hedgehog lying on the road.

I don't deal well with dead things on the road. Or the stupid little birdies who seem to like playing kamikaze with the cars in the street and flit towards the windscreen and freak me the fucking hell out. Seeing that poor little hedgehog body on the road had me gasping for breath and trying not to burst out sobbing for pretty much the rest of the journey to work.

I KNOW. I KNOW. It is a HEDGEHOG. Nature red in tooth and claw and rubber tyre and all that, I know. And they are Bad For Noo Zillund Native Wildlife, I KNOW. Posting all DRAMAZ AND WOE about it is a bit like posting on Bhuz, all PRAYERS FOR MY HEDGEHOG PLZ and I sound like a basket case, Crazy Hedgehog Lady. But he's *my* hedgehog and I am very fond of watching him snuffle around in the garden, waddling his fat little butt around in the dark where he thinks no-one can see him.

Last night and tonight I put out some noms on the hope of seeing him, and reassuring myself that the poor ex-hedgehog was not my Hoggle.

He has not appeared, although Himself was quite sure that some of the leftover French toast we put out last night had been nibbled this morning. There's BACON out there right now, and he has still not appeared.

I fear the worst, and I think my heart has broken a little.

Current Mood: worried

In the light of it being Friday (AND THANK FUCK FOR THAT), I invite you to check out these Unicorn shoes.

Mouse Twist Heel - schuh.co.uk

I think these should be uniform for all Bhuzsnarkers. Controversially (given that red is my favourite colour), I'll actually go for the yellow. I've noticed this twisty unicorn horn style heel in a few shoe designs lately, and it allllllways makes me think of a few of our favourite Unicorns. >o)

Current Mood: ecstatic
Current Location: New Zealand

In the words of our favourite internet star of the moment (well... probably of 20 minutes ago, but since he's now featuring in TV advertising in New Zealand it's current for us) - WHAT DOES IT MEEEEEEEEEEEAN?!

( COWORKERS DO NOT RESPECT MAH AUTHORITAY, THAT'S FUCKING WHAT! )

GAH.

Current Mood: tired

So that was the week that was. Huh. Is it Saturday? I think it might be Saturday. Is daytime? Do I have to get out of bed? Whuh?

I started work on Monday. I was very nervous - this is my first proper, "official" managerial role instead of being the unofficial manager and general "go to" guy who does all the work with none of the big bikkies. I has a team of staff! Who do work like ensuring the hospital has enough doctors to, you know, TREAT PEOPLE and deal with EMERGENCIES and other important stuff! Yay!

O_O

It's been rilly, rilly interesting. The people have been SUPER nice, and I've had people (general staff, doctors, hospital management) popping by the office all week to say hi and welcome me aboard. Which is all very nice. They were also very organised (which I am not used to), and had a WORKING IT LOG ON and an EMAIL ADDRESS (omg!) and even a Security IT Card all ready for me on day one! WTH?!

I've had a few minor stoushes (sidenote, fact fans: this is annoyinly pronounced stowsh [singular] here in Noo Zillund, but stoosh back home) for me to deal with - and some weird stuff where one of my staff members has escalated something fairly minor to me, but when a majorly important problem happene she went straight to a Clinical Director without involving me at all. I think she just didn't want to deal with the Doctor in Minor Stoush Number 1, and kind of forgot that I was ever THERE for Major Stoush Number 2. I'm thinking this is kind of OK at the moment, given that it's my first week and she's been having to deal with these issues on her own with no managerial support for the last two months, but... yeah. Something for me to keep an eye on for future.

Also, she's Scottish. Which is hugely entertaining to all. We're thinking of erecting a Saltire and stocking the fridge with Irn Bru. I think we're probably going to make each other's accents worse and start speaking like totally hyperfastandnobodywillunderstandanythingwesay,knowwhatImean?

The Scottish Girl seems very knowledgable, has a good relationship with all the doctors, and seems VERY hardworking. This is all great stuff. She *might* have a little bit of a short fuse, though - so I'll need to keep an eye on that and be ready to step in and just calm things down a little bit. Diplomacy! Tact! OMG THEY HAVE THE WRONG PERSON FOR THAT!!1! ;o)

I've already done a few little things in my first week - flagging up an inaccurate article about our DHB on the internet, and having it taken down. I'm figuring it'll show that not only am I keeping an eye out for the organisation, but I also have a good handle on the main problems we have - retaining staff, keeping good relationship with the union, etc. Good, yes? I also have a few processes in my sights for some minor tweaks and improvements, and some thoughts on how we can do a little better already (mainly just things to focus on, I don't have real solutions yet). My first meeting with my boss is on Feb 4, so I should be able to meet her with a few proposals even in these early days, so... good? Bad? BOLSHY? Dunno.

The main thing is, CHRIST I AM SO TIRED. Even though I spent last week getting up at 7 am to get myself into more of a routine (and tire myself out more so that I wasn't up all night as usual), it's still be a real shock to the system. Part of that is just getting back into that routine of early nights and mornings again, and BEING ORGANISED about getting lunches organised the night before, blah blah blah. The other part of it is just that mental energy it takes you to stay focussed and anticipate things in a new job - trying to remember names and roles and faces and processes and and and... GAH!

All in all, it's been a good first week. I'm a bit nervous of the four weeks to come, when Scottish Girl is off on holiday FOR FOUR WEEKS to go back home (WTH?), and Other Girl who I haven't yet met arrives. Hm. BUT, the people are nice, the work seems challenging in a good (and interesting and meaningful) way, and I'm feeling pretty upbeat about everything.

I MAY be getting paid on Monday, which would be SUPER AWESOME. If not, I'll get paid two weeks on Monday, which is also totaly doable. I've already been spending in anticipation, buying in some nice things for the Guest Room which will first be utlided by

suzycat (yay!) and then later in the year by Whizmum and Roo. I've also bought loads of WORK CLOTHES, which is exciting - although not nearly as exciting and frustration-free as when I'm not looking like A FUCKING BLIMP, OMG. O_O I bought New Rules Of Lifting For Women after reading some of

evil_spice 's journals, but it has not yet turned up in the fabled NZ Post. *sigh*.

I am also currently eating Peanut Butter ice cream, which is not really so conducive to non-blimpishness. But it's my L'Oreal ice cream - it's been a long week, and I'M WORTH IT. So there.

ETA: I have also had two pear ciders and half a bottle of wine, so I may be slightly tipsy. o_O I am totally giving you the drunken squint eye of HEYYYYYYYY BABYYYYYY right naow. Also, it's my excuse for typos and why I am not correcting them SO THERE AGAIN. BOOYAH!

Current Mood: tired

So I downloaded some free video capture software in an attempt to make my webcam make do until I can afford a Flip. (Which Himself keeps trying to talk me out of, because There Are Other Gadgets and other boy talk, but I WANT A FLIP.)

Wow.

First off, the footage is useless for pretty much anything dance-related because it is so JERKY and crappy.

Which, THANK FUCK, because NOBODY NEEDS TO SEE WHAT I LOOK LIKE ON FILM.

T_T

Oh my god.

I mean, I KNOW I have put the weight back on. I KNOW what size clothes I'm having to wear, despite my best attempts to avoid shopping for clothes and having to admit that I need to buy THAT SIZE.

And yet - horrifying. HORRIFYING. I didn't *think* I was pretending to myself that I wasn't the size I am, but since it was such an UNPLEASANT SURPRISE I guess I have been. For some time.

But more than that (as if that weren't bad enough in all of it's OMG YOU FUCKING WHALE, WHY DON'T YOU GO EAT A WHOLE CHEESCAKE? OINK OINK OINK, PIGGY! glory), my technique is Just. So. BAD.

I suck.

I look like a BEGINNER on there. All clumsy weight shifts and lack of balance and that arm carriage that signifies (OMG WHAT DO I DO WITH MY ARMS?!) 9 years of dancing (although the last four of them very much on and off on the ACTUALLY PHYSICALLY DANCING side), up in smoke. Gone. RANK AMATEUR STATUS, I barely deserve it.

This was NOT the point of practising. *sigh* And I know my self-defeatist talk is allllll part of the problem, because instead of actually FORCING MY WAY THROUGH IT and putting in the practise required to get my technique back to where it should be, I sat right back down to whine about how much I suck. And instead of breaking out the weights or the workout gear, you can bet your ass if I had the goods in the pantry I WOULD BE EATING THEM. And if I had the money to buy one, I'd be out at the shops looking to buy a cake. For once I'm actually thankful that we are BROKE and living on noodles.

Self-sabotage. It is my MOST ANNOYING fucking trait. And I really don't know how to bloody STOP MYSELF from doing it. I was always unhappy at this size, but this time round, KNOWING what it feels like and what I look like when slimmer... you'd think that would be helpful? A motivator? A "been there before, can get there again" kind of thing? WRONG. All I can think about is the loooooooong road ahead if I try to do anything about it, of the DENIAL of tasty things, of the RED-FACED FUTILITY and humiliation and horror of trying to exercise.

GAH.

I KNOW I need to stop thinking that way. I KNOW that the long boring road of getting the weight off again won't be that long looking back on it from the successful side. I know these things in my head. But I don't FEEL them - all I feel is.... defeated and depressed and despondent and lots of other words beginning with D and synonymous with SHITE.

Current Mood: crushed
Current Location: New Zealand
Current Music: HYG, what else?!

Happy New Year, flisties!

It's funny not being in Scotland, where literally almost ALL you hear for the first week (and often more) is eternally prefaced with Happy New Year. You simply MUST ensure that the very first thing you say to someone you haven't seen since prior to Jan 1st is a hearty "Happy New Year"! (usually accompanied by a handshake/hug, even between the most casual of friends) It's almost... a religious thing. Certainly very social and VERY much a faux-pas if you neglect/miss that opportunity.

Anyway! I don't do New Year's Resolutions. Not REALLY. I mark the time in years, much like everyone else - but my capacity for keeping track of time is MARKEDLY worse than it used to be. I lose track of time so easily lately, and am always stunned when people say something happened x years ago, because it always feels like it was just a little while back. A friend I class as "new" reminded me the other day that we met 5 years ago. It's two years since I left Scotland and last saw my friends and family there - that fact alone is kind of stunning.

Anyway, years are the major passage of time for me - and like everyone, I get reflective around New Year thinking of how I'd like the new one to go, as well as how many interesting and unforeseen things have happened in the last one. But I never make resolutions much like I've stopped planning and controlling in the last six years - I'm a lot more zen and go-with-the-flow than I was prior to 2003/4.

But, in the spirit of listing things and hoping for things in the year to come, here's my vague outline for my general hopes and dreamy dreams for 2011:

Success and happiness in my new job, starting in A FORTNIGHT, OMG.
For Himself and I to be able to relax and de-stress and enjoy our time together thanks to finally earning two incomes
For a year of renewed adventure and discovery in this beautiful country
To see my mum again before the year is out
To recapture my dance mojo, and start building a community here
Continued health and happiness for my friends and family wherever they may be
Improving my own health and wellbeing, but shedding the weight and increasing my activity levels

Teh End. I'm not setting goals about how much weight or by when or whatever. I'm not punishing myself by not acheiving a goal QUICKLY enough, or for not pushing HARD enough, or whatever. These are just general, overarching goals and the most important thing - as always - is the health and happiness of myself and Himself and those who matter to us. If we need to take a different direction to acheive that that we can't see right now, we'll take it and adjust in our ambling rivery kind of fluid way.

I never thought I'd be good with that kind of vagueness in my life. ^_^ Funny how things change.

In Other News - the challenge is set over at

dbl_dream_hands . IT'S ON!

Current Mood: content
Current Location: New Zealand

From the initial idea supplied by replyhazy, and the suggestion of a seperate community from beafarhana, I've set up a little home-from-home for our Online Practise Club shenanigans. Check out

dbl_dream_hands to get in on the action!

It's members-only to make sure I don't attract, you know, UNICORNS or anything. So far, I've extended invites to everybody who expressed an interest, namely:

replyhazy
evil_spice
bintblue
beafarhana
suzycat
mizmarti
kinadancer

If you want in, leave a comment and I'll send you and invite! Unless you're a unicorn or I don't like you, in which case what the hell are you doing reading mah blog anyway, bitchez?

Current Mood: accomplished
Current Location: New Zealand

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