Compensatory Mechanism

[wigglewhiz]

Last night, my fantastic avoidance strategy didn't really work. I am truly, truly a HORRIBLE person when I'm angry - venomous, spiteful, and will gladly take pleasure in saying something wicked and cruel just to hurt your feelings because *I* am angry. Aaaaaaand, of course, then feeeling like a complete douchebag when I've calmed down. It's horrible to hurt the people you love, and it does enduring little bits of damage to your relationships that you just cannot erase with your most sincere apologies.

Anyway, whenever I get angry I now just avoid people. Just go somewhere else, calm down, come back later - rather than risk saying something in the heat of the moment. Unfortunartely, Himself doesn't understand my strategy, and instead is baffled and hurt by my complete withdrawal, and just assumes that I'm angry with him and that he needs to do something about it. Which... just makes me ANGRIER because he won't leave me alone, and then he breaks down and I still feel like SHIT even though I still haven't said anything.

I need to find another strategy.

Anyway, everything is fine this morning, we sorted everything out last night once I'd seen sense and calmed the fuck down. Today, being a hot and sunny day, we decided to take a jaunt to the beach to give ourselves a nice little day out since our last attempt FAILED. Unsurprisingly, being a curvy chick, my main reward/compensatory mechanism is FOOD. Not exactly a wise strategy when you're a little annoyed at being quite so curvy, but hey. I enjoy it. I firmly believe I can continue to enjoy it - in moderation. (I shan't be taking any crazy Bhuz sockpuppet bitches advice, let's just say that.)

Anyway, on the drive out we stopped at a place called Bella Kai, which is a fancy new store selling fancy-schmantzy foodstuffs. It. Was. HEAVEN.

What I Bought:

• A roasted garlic balsalmic vinegar sauce. Which OMFG is the BEST thing I've ever tasted.
• Harissa paste - AT LAST! A Southland source! I can make Moroccan chicken again. w00T!
• Hazelnuts roasted in Chilli and Garlic oil (TASTY, but a little spicier than I expected!)
• Fancy artisan Rocky Road chocolate - white chocolate with pistachios, semi-dried cherries, coconut, marshmallow and merangue
• A mahoosive bag of coarse bulghur wheat for taboulli-making

What I Didn't Buy YET Buy I Am Totally Going Back For:

• A lime infused oil that tasted absolutely INCREDIBLE. It was rice bran oil, too, which I don't usually like.
• Pomegranate syrup
• Orange blossom water
• Dukkah (only because I'd had some the other night, so I didn't feel compelled)
• Hazelnut Butter
• Assorted fancy cheeses. I only tasted the feta, which, HOLY HELL, was proper tasty. (sidenote: can't be doing with that COW milk feta or SHEEP milk feta. GOAT CHEESE, PEOPLE! GOAT!!1!)

Things That I Have No Intention Of Buying, But I Wish I Was The Sort Of Person Who Wasn't Shocked By:

• A tiny bottle of Modena balsalmic vinegar for $90, OMFG.

Comments

[suzycat.livejournal.com]

Yay for feeling better. It sucks severe arse you missed out though.

That food sounds delicious. ALL OF IT.

[parasitegirl.livejournal.com]

I've been re-reading the essays of Robert Sapolsky in "Monkeyluv" and there does seem to be a gender related issue with the autonomic system and how quickly it returns to calm after a crisis and how it takes women longer...so you may have a solid reason WHY you might need a seperate cooldown time.

the radio explanation of this can be found here:

http://www.radiolab.org/2006/may/05/phantom-limbs/

about 7minutes in maybe.

[bintblue.livejournal.com]

I heart radio lab.

[wooglethealien.livejournal.com]

I am totally the same (especially when driving) but in my case, so is Neil. We are both horrible to each other but in our case at least we understand!! Doens't make it any less horrible when he's taking it out on me though.

[kinadancer.livejournal.com]

OMG I'm so like that when I'm angry! I leave now. If people won't leave me alone at home, I go out. Turn off the phone. Take a long walk, ANYTHING to avoid having any kind of contact with anyone I care about.

[bintblue.livejournal.com]

Hazelnuts roasted in Chilli and Garlic oil
Holy smokes. Want.