Mwa! Mmmmmmmwa! Mwa!

[wigglewhiz]

Thank you SO much to all my lovely flisties who commented yesterday and gave me luvs and supports. You made me cry, damn you all. (You know, in that way when you're RIGHT ON THE EDGE just managing to hold back the tears and then someone says something nice and you're all: "OH GOD, don't be NICE to me! *sob sob sob sob sob sob*"? Yeah. Like that.) 

I've gone into Holding Pattern mode at the moment. My mum told me off for having a "knee jerk" reaction and being all I AM GOING TO HAVE TO GO HOME, WOE IS ME, FAIL AND DOOM etc. I am... still kind of having that reaction, and am still a bit close to the teary precipice which suggests I am not entirely rational about things right now. Therefore, the best bet is probably to just sit still and do nothing, think nothing, plan nothing for a couple days - just try to get over it and pick myself up and BREATHE before making any rash decisions.

I usually pick myself up pretty quickly after job rejections (although there's always a moment of WOE IS ME because I am a certified Drama Queen), but this one... this one hurts more. This one definitely feels bigger and having it here so far from home is... scarier and MOAR SIGNIFICANT feeling. I've had a browse through the job vacancies (what little of them are to be had, rural backwater small town caveat blaaaaaaaaaaaaab), and that was kind of just another punch to the gut - my instant reaction to them was pretty bad, since the only available vacancy I can apply for is for some fucking awful looking admin assistant/receptionist a Company F, who have rejected me for a higher position no less than TWICE. I imagine the pay will be RUBBISH and the climbdown from applying for Positions Of AWESOMENESS back down to fucking Admin Monkery sticks in my craw.

And I KNOW that makes me a horrible, unrealistic snobby cow. My mother has already told me so and said I need to pull my finger out and WORK IN A SHOP if I need to. I didn't bother reminding her about the SHOE SHOP INTERVIEW that I also fucking failed, because I guess she needs her moment of lecturing me to feel like she's involved and being appropriately motherly in my moment of need halfway across teh wurld. Thanks, ma.

*sigh*

Anyay, Himself and I had a big heart-to-heart last night about our future plans, and I gret (past tense of greet, find definition here although you'll need to type the word in yourself ) and snottered and ranted and swore and flailed and just generally was a massive overdramatic pain in the arse. I threatened that going home would be the end of us (DUN DUN DUUUUUUN) as a couple because neither of us really WANTED to go home and therefore there would be angst and anger and HATE, and then Himself got really upset and I realised my being a wallowing self-flaggelating asshole was really helping neither of us, but TOO LATE because I'd already upset someone I love and had to deal with the GUILT of being a shitty person on top of everything.

*sigh*

So, Holding Pattern it is. A few days to just calm down, stop being a fucking over-reacting Drama Queen eejit and start to process things rationally. And then we'll decide what to do from here. Expect either stream-of-consciousness ramblings (apologies in advance) here as I try to sort myself out, or conspicuous silence as I avoid thinking about anything. Since, you know, avoidance TOTALLY works and is a valid and sane strategy. *eyeroll*

Big hugs and thanks again to everyone for your lovely comments yesterday! *sniff* (I was totally going to link here to a YouTube Ren &Stimpy episode featuring Haggis McHaggis saying "Don't make me cry! Ye canna..... make me cry!", but I can't find it. I HAVE found about a billionty Ren & Stimpy episodes though, so I guess that's Day One of my Holding Pattern Diary pretty much filled up!)

Comments

[suzycat.livejournal.com]

DRAMA oh noes! I totally relate!

I'm wondering if you can find something to do in the meantime that will help just get you out of the house, even if it's just volunteering an afternooon a week somewhere. I presume there is a temp agency down there? But probably also fuck-all work through it right now... having said that when I was temping years ago it was certainly better than nothing at all and it brings in a few coins. The odd day here and there is no commitment and is cash. But, like I said, don't know how much work there would be. I got NONE last time I was signed back on, but OTOH you have proper officey adminney skillz and all I can do is type fast and spell good. (And cannot do data entry fast enough. I am so happy about that.)

[wigglewhiz.livejournal.com]

Temp agencies are always my go-to guys straight off the bat, since it's the fastest way to find work (I was temping for a year in CHC, and the agency got me work within a week of me arriving! W00t! Ah... those were the days.) I mean, the work is typically SHIT and pay not so good, but - it's work and it's *QUICK*, so... yeah.

There are a few agency branches here - about 2-3, I think - but both specialise in manual work, factories and production lines and ... FARMS. They are, sadly, deeply uninterested in me. :os Gah!

[suzycat.livejournal.com]

Dammit. Don't suppose you could quickly learn to shear? LOL.

Aside: my dad used to be a shearer in Southland. It's fiendishly good exercise. And an oyster opener in the off season. Fiendishly bad on the hands (actually both were apparently, he got lanolin boils from shearing).

Our chief sub is leaving to have a baby at the end of the year and they're not replacing her (HUH) but there has been talk about possibly getting someone part-time to do the boring adminny side of her job, ie the dreaded rosters. I don't know whether this is actually going to eventuate or not but if it does, and it's not given to someone internally and we hear about it, I'll let you know. Can't see why a person doing Hub admin couldn't be in Invers, the Southland Times is one of our papers.

[wigglewhiz.livejournal.com]

LOL - I am kind of scared of sheep. Because they have that weird eyeball thing going on. I was wondering whether I could cope with feeding calves or something, that doesn't sound too traumatising... which probably means there's some horrible knack to it or something. Also I get overattached to animals, so I'd probably be caught trying to flee the farm with all the calves, screaming "NOT WITHOUT MAH BAYBEEZ!" come time for chop. :os

Awesome on the adminny roster person - if anything comes up, let me know! Thanks! :oD

[suzycat.livejournal.com]

They DO have weird eyes. One of my earliest memories is of being in a shearing shed in Dipton actually, it was kind of scary. And very sheepy-smelling.

The dairy industry is fairly evil and mechanical today I think. Another of my earliest memories (also in Dipton) is going with Dad to milk the Shands' house cow. Don't get any of that hand milking today...

[wigglewhiz.livejournal.com]

There are seven hundred bazillionty vacancies every week here for milkers, it would seem.

Still, I expect that's still an automated process and the "Milker" job title actually is part cattle droving, and a whole lot of hosing off poop and attaching Robotic BJ devices. WELL THAT'S WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE.